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GO TO PAGE \par 2 of my poems
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My poems
\par| Table of \par Contents | \par
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\par
The people come in and out. The mall is not very crowded
\par today. Which is good. I am only looking for one.Watching the
\par people go by, waiting for the one. Waiting for the man that took
\par away my son.
\par Waiting for the man that destroyed my life.The time goes by. I
\par still do not see him. I know his face like my own.I know his evil
\par smile and the evilness in his empty eyes when he smiles. I can
\par close my eyes And see it plain and clear.Watching the people go
\par by, waiting for the one. Waiting for the one that ruined my life.
\par Waiting For the one that killed my wife.I sit and I wait.
\par Watching the sheep go by. They're daily routine of life. Except
\par they have all lost their leader. Suddenly I see him.
\par He is right in front of me.
\par All this time mocking me and laughing.
\par I stand up and he does the same.
\par That smile is on his face. The cold, bitter smile that he was
\par wearing when my wife and son died.
\par I am ready for this. I have been ready since I saw his evil cold
\par eyes.
\par I begin to walk toward him. He advances on me too.
\par I reach into my pocket and pull out my gun.
\par I see him pulling out a gun. I am trapped I have to take
\par vengeance on this killer. This maniac.
\par I pull the trigger.
\par Watching the people go by, waiting for the one. Watching the
\par people scream, I know his time is done.
\par Waiting for the man, the Monster, the Beast, and the Destroyer of
\par my life.
\par Pulling the trigger again.
\par My life breaks down in seconds in this room. My life is broken
\par and destroyed, like the pieces of glass of the mirror lying on
\par the floor.
\par
back to the top \par
\par \parThe \par Writing on The Wall \par
\par \parThere's a wall in the rest stop off Route 11.
\par Many people have stopped there. Lots of people write other
\par numbers for a good time, many people tell of things I don't Want
\par to know.
\par The most writing is on the right, below the naked woman, is a
\par poem that burned deep in my soul. Right below the KKK and a cross
\par on fire, Right beside the John 3:16-an unknown wrote this.
\par
\par\par \parHate is a demon that burns in us all. Some \par control and some release Hate. I have Hate in my soul. I Hate \par all. I have hate more than all-so I write it on the bathroom \par wall. No one knows who this is-I can not say. Hate has taken \par over my life-I killed a man yesterday, I did it out of \par hate-He wasn't black, he wasn't Asian, I didn't see his \par color. Why I hate I do not know, I wish I did. Why I hate I \par do not know, I am sorry for that. The man had a wife and \par son-there picture was in his wallet. I Took the money and \par bought a pen, now I write this in the wall.
\par
back to the top \par
\par \parThe Life of a \par vampire: The Beginning -The Embrace- \par
\par \parFear surges through my brain. Cold
\par hands touch my shoulder. She whispers two words in my ear in an
\par attempt to calm me. "Be calm" She says. Her word echo
\par through my ears. My brain feels numb.
\par I smile yet I can not fake it. Even her words can not cover up
\par this excitement I am feeling. I shiver as her teeth glide over my
\par warm skin. I can feel her cold hands on my shoulders.She hasn't
\par pushed into my neck yet. I shiver again at what is about to
\par happen. Then her teeth quickly enter my neck and into my vein.
\par Pain and agony fill me. Even though she is just sucking my blood
\par now, I can feel my soul going away with it. Colors flash in my
\par eyes. I feel the light-headedness from blood loss. As quickly as
\par she pushed into me, she pulls out. The world swirling around me
\par and. I fall to the ground. Sleep begins to over take me. As I lay
\par there on the ground I try to speak. I am still bleeding from my
\par neck.
\par Everything that is LIFE. Everything that made me a warm-blooded
\par creature is leaving my body. Then wet drops fill my mouth. As if
\par my first meal I hungrily lap it up.
\par Then my body fills with pain. The most intense pain I have ever
\par felt fills every part of me. I wither around in pain on the
\par ground, trying to hang on to the part of me that is barely alive.
\par And with a Sudden JERK of my body I die. Painful and slow. Then I
\par rise and smile, hungrily.
\par She smiles and takes my hand.
\par I am now the undead.
\par Nosferatou.
\par I am a Vampire.
\par
Hunger over takes me. Now I can
\par not go to a local McDonalds and get a hamburger. It is almost 2am
\par I have been waiting for hours to feed. I only hear rats and
\par squirrels.Then a familiar sent rushes into my nose. The hunger
\par inside me has been ignited and I must feed. I realize my mouth is
\par watering.
\par I hear a slow thump, thump. And an erratic thump, thump. I fly
\par closer to the sound.
\par I hear voices, a female screaming. I hover over her. On top of
\par her is a man. He has tied her arms and is going to rape her. A
\par feeling of humanity, from my mortality. I feel pity for her.
\par Savagely, I fly down and pick the man up. His heart begins to
\par beat rapidly.I want his blood so bad.
\par "Your heart is beating so fast, let me silence it" I
\par sink my teeth into him.
\par He has had no time to scream and before he can I am done with
\par him. I drop him. My first kill. LIFE flows through my veins.The
\par Eternal hunger has been silenced in my body for now. Slowly I fly
\par down to the woman. I break her ropes and stand her up. She has no
\par fear in her body, only warmth. She smiles. Then she hugs me
\par around the neck. I smell her blood but I do not want it.
\par "Thank-you." She says over and over. Then she pulls me
\par closer to her. My teeth extend and brush against her neck. She
\par smiles. "Yes." She says.Yet I can not. I push her away
\par and look at her. I could never do this to anyone. Quickly I fly
\par away! "I'll be waiting" I hear her say. I return to my
\par coffin and lay in it. The sun has come up. I see her face in my
\par sleep.
\par \par \par \par
Something strange happened to me
\par yesterday. I awakened and it was daylight.
\par When I opened my eyes I did not know. When I opened the door to
\par my room, sealed off from all light, I knew. It came flooding in.
\par I was trapped. I felt my flesh burning, yet in all the pain from
\par it I felt great regard and awe for the sun. It seemed so
\par beautiful but it is so deadly to me. I watched the dust. How it
\par seemed to be trapped in the beams of light like me. It just
\par floated in the air and never seemed to fall. Just floating. Then
\par I could take no more. With all my strength I slammed the door
\par shut.
\par In the darkness I saw the price of my curiosity. I saw the scars
\par from the sun. My skin felt on fire!
\par I shook my head and walked over to my coffin. As I lay down I saw
\par the dust floating
\par There not moving, like me. I close my eyes and began to dream of
\par the days when I was mortal. Of when a life not dictated by hunger
\par and darkness. I had a life, hope, and dreams.
\par A family, Love! Until death came, so long ago.
\par
Waiting in the shadows, watching
\par from afar, I wait for you to notice me. You and he
\par Walk by me, I smile, I wave…inside my heart breaks,
\par I have loved you since day one, be it your eyes, your smile, I
\par don't know.Passion builds
\par Inside self-esteem keeps it in. You are perfect I am a troll.
\par He is perfect, why would u like me?
\par Waiting in the dark, waiting for love, waiting for you to notice
\par me.
\par Waiting in the dark rain pours down. My heartbreaks in two, I
\par almost drown.
\par I step aside to let you by; you smile and say Hi.
\par I scream inside, I want to tell. Then I remember what I look like
\par and frown.
\par Here he comes, and she has to go. She walks away. Then she turns
\par again,smiles, and walks
\par Away. We are just friends.
\par Waiting again, does she know?
\par Does she care? Does she love me?
\par In the dark waiting again. Waiting until I can see her again.
\par One step behind, wondering does she know, how I feel.
\par Does she know what I would do to see her again?
\par What I would do, just to see her smile.
\par
Fall has come, the air is cool,
\par and the leaves are brown. I walk down the street and decide
\par To cut through the park, Our Park.
\par It is our thirtieth anniversary today. And this is where we first
\par met.I see the bench that I
\par First approached her when I was only twenty. I cross over the
\par bridge that we met on our first date. I pass the tree where we
\par shared out first kiss. Thirty years today we were
\par Married, my passion for her burned even then. I walk up to our
\par apartment and open the door. I can not wait to see her
\par I call her name and she doesn't answer.
\par I walk into the living room and see her in her chair.
\par Slowly I walk up to her.
\par She won't answer me. I push on her and her hand falls. I freeze.
\par I feel her wrist and I feel no pulse.
\par My heart jumps and a pain fills my chest. My mind feels numb. All
\par I can think is I have
\par Lost her!
\par 30 years today we met.
\par 30 years today we fell in love.
\par 30 years today our lives began.
\par 30 years today our lives ended.
\par
I thought you loved me but I was wrong.
\par I thought you cared but it was only a song.
\par I thought that luck was my very best friend, but he wronged me
\par and did me in.
\par I thought that when I met you, I heard angels sing, and my world
\par wasn't blue.
\par My heart beat a thousand times a second, from the first day I saw
\par you.
\par When my eyes looked deep into yours, was like the sun had set and
\par the moon was full.
\par I knew you could have a god, but you wanted me instead.
\par I loved you with all my heart.
\par Now your gone and my life is at end.
\par To not see your radiant self, is death to my shattered heart.
\par I thought that u loved me, you said so.
\par But your gone, you must have lied.
\par Because the last time I heard you said forever.
\par And your gone on the bathroom floor.
\par I am holding your note saying you can't go on.
\par Pills everywhere, your body so cold.
\par I thought u loved me but I was wrong.
\par Because your dead, and I'm all alone.
\par \par \par \par
The Walk West \par
\par \parI hike along a worn out path. Thinking of life, love, and
\par relationships.
\par I wonder would my trip had been different had I told someone,
\par would I be joined
\par By another? Probably not. No one answers me anyway. So I venture
\par forward.
\par ON the way I see a bearded man standing on a rock, flapping his
\par arms.
\par He looked familiar but I knew not who he was. God perhaps?
\par My journey is long and is my life.
\par I am not sure for whom, but I keep on walking toward the west.
\par Possibly for myself. Maybe for that old man.
\par I smile and keep going.
\par I can never turn back.
\par
My heart is pounding so hard, my chest could
\par burst.
\par My head is swimming. I am going to tell her.
\par I can wait no more. I can not take this hell any longer. The
\par raining in my heart is too great.
\par There she is, Miss Universe. So gorgeous.
\par Suddenly my self-esteem takes over. No one would want me. I am a
\par troll.
\par Since no words could be expressed to tell her I wrote it down. I
\par tell her my feelings and thoughts.
\par Words pour from me then. The letter is great. It is to her.
\par As I fold my letter in half she walks up, smiling of course.
\par I smile but suddenly, the letter seems hopeless.
\par She would never, could never want me anyway, never.
\par I frown and turn around, ashamed of what I almost did.
\par Then I feel a hand on my shoulder. I slowly turn around and see
\par her with tears in her eyes.
\par She is holding my letter. I do not know what to do, but it seems
\par to be natural.
\par I pull her close and hug her. I hear her whisper three words.
\par Three words that melt my heart.
\par Three words that makes all the bad go away.
\par I love you, I always have.
\par I smile wider and I start to cry.
\par The rain is gone the flood is through.
\par My waiting is over and love has shown through.
She walks through the night, the moon reflecting off her eyes.
\par Her gorgeous body melts the night around her like a hot knife
\par through butter.
\par She is a goddess upon the Earth.
\par An unnamed goddess more beautiful than Venus could ever be.
\par Looking into her eyes is an eternal happiness that mortal men
\par fight for.
\par Angels are jealous of her beauty the she radiates.
\par If you were to find one syllable that could possibly describe the
\par sheer splendor that is emanating
\par From her than genus would not be the word for you.
\par All of the mortals she could have on this planet and she picks
\par me.
\par I would sell my soul if she could be eternally happy.
\par The whole world is jealous of me.
\par I would dive to the deepest depths of the ocean if there was a
\par rumor she might be there.
\par I would hold the weight of the world on my shoulders for her.
\par I know now the sun rises everyday so that her beauty can shine
\par once again.
\par \par
He is gone.
\par My friend, companion, bud.
\par No more will we share the joys of life.
\par I will not be able to call him up and see if he wants to hang
\par out.
\par Life will move on, the world won't stop for him.
\par He was no celebrity, he was not famous in anyway.
\par Except he was my friend, and that was a big part of my life.
\par I often wonder what the world would be like if it stopped, just
\par for a second, when someone died.
\par But I know. It would be stopped. Never to move again.
\par Sitting at the funeral, I begin to miss him.
\par I think of every fort we built. Every tree we climbed, and cry.
\par But I think of him in a better life than me. I know he would have
\par wanted us to be happy.
\par I don't think of him as dead anymore
\par Just in a better place
\par And I smile.
There she is, the most beautiful girl in school.
\par She should be Miss Universe.
\par She is a Beauty Queen.
\par But there is something I don't understand.
\par Yesterday she came to school with a black eye.
\par Bruises on her neck.
\par "I Fell" is her response. But I know the truth.
\par I knew her before she was a beauty queen.
\par I knew her before…..
\par He has hit her again.
\par I hug her and she begins to cry softly in my arms.
\par Anger, rage fills my entire body. I hug her and tell her it will
\par be ok.
\par I hug her and wish I could be here forever! She deserves millions
\par of times more than this.
\par I see him. He looks pissed that I am hugging her. I smile some.
\par He touches me. I turn around and look deep into his eyes.
\par "Leave" is all I say. He smiles cause he knows I know.
\par He puts a hand on her shoulder and starts to squeeze.
\par Rage fills my mind. All I see before me is a dead man.
\par I push him down, then kick his chest. Screaming about how I am
\par going to kill him.
\par People pull me off. She is looking at me.
\par She is smiling. Love fills me when I see her.
\par "You are my friend. I have know you forever. I have seen you
\par become a beauty queen and get Treated like a piece of trash. I
\par love you" and walk away.
\par I look at him and spit. I know she could never love me. I am
\par nobody. A friend, nothing more.
\par As I walk away I feel a pair of hands on my shoulder.
\par I turn to see her smiling at me. Tears in her eyes.
\par "I love you too." She says hugging me. I smile this
\par time.
\par We walk away. Me and my beauty Queen.
\par
\par
There he is, my brother across from me.
\par He is more than that, so much more.
\par We are friends.
\par How I would have been without him is beyond me.
\par We laughed, we've cried, we've had our moments.
\par Even though we aren't together as much anymore. He with his thing
\par and I with mine.
\par He is one of my best friends.
\par I can confide in him and not face ridicule.
\par My brother means the world to me.
\par And many may not trust him or like him.
\par I may not say it, but he knows.
\par I love him with all my heart.
\par Without him my life would be boring.
\par To my brother I say, thank you
\par To my brother I say, I love you.
I do not know, nor do I care.
\par People ask me all the time.
\par Don't ask me how or why, for I don not know.
\par I am happy, my kids are warm.
\par I am just happy, I have a place to stay.
\par I only care, that my family has food to eat.
\par I only care that my family is ok.
\par My wife, will be healed. She will live.
\par My wife is OK! And that is all I know.
\par The money?
\par I do not know.
\par I thank whatever helped us.
\par Be it Jesus or Donald Trump.
\par My family is ok now, life is good.
\par The money has arrived and now my family and I are ok.
\par
The baby is crying again, much louder than before.
\par I think it knows I want to sleep.
\par I used to refer to it as a him, but that time is long passed.
\par It's mother and father are across the street, but it might as
\par well be across the universe.
\par I stole it from them, because they hate me.
\par Not because I am a pervert, they hate me, plain and simple.
\par The explanation for that is what u r expecting next, then keep
\par expecting it!
\par I feel no guilt, only annoyance from it's crying.
\par Damn it should shut up.
\par The baby is annoying me, whining for mommy.
\par Poor mommy, misses baby so much, yet she has time plenty of time
\par to see her lover.
\par So sad, and her husband is an idiot,
\par I can see mommy is cheating on husband from across the street-
\par Baby is getting louder. I storm in the room and demand it shut
\par up.
\par Baby wont listen to me. Rage fills my brain.
\par I grab the baby by its little arm and I hear a pop.
\par I walk to the cellar and toss the baby in like a rag doll. All
\par crying stops. I smile.
\par I walk in the bathroom and see husband smiling at me. I fix my
\par hair and walk tot he front door.
\par Mommy wont be back from lovers house for a while.
\par I walk out to my car and drive away.
\par
\par \par \par \par
The pounding in my head is louder than before. I think my head
\par my explode.
\par IT seems that nothing can cease the pain.
\par Sitting in my room, pain increases.
\par Babies crying, Televisions blaring. Head pounding.
\par Televisions blaring turned up. People Fighting.
\par Televisions eating out minds.
\par Pain.
\par Pain is becoming such an uninvited guest.
\par Sneaking behind me and stabbing my eyes.
\par I want to scream, but it would only make my eyes explode.
\par Pain, no relief.
\par Babies, cars, fighting, television.
\par Pain. No relief but one, no exception.
\par Babies eating Televisions fighting with cars.
\par Babies blurring, crying, screaming through my walls.
\par Pain only one relief.
\par Walls closing in. Dead bodies laughing through the fighting
\par television babies.
\par Air, free, moments of peace. An eternity of pain and seconds of
\par relief.
\par Then the ground reaches up and pulls my falling body to it.
\par An eternity of peace at last.
\par
\par \par
\par \par \par \par
It was probably because, I was reading about Poe. That a Raven
\par landed on my window ceil.
\par It scared me, yes it did, but I laughed and looked away from the
\par bird.
\par No, no Lenore has gone from me. I have lost no one dear…that
\par I can recall.
\par I sat and stared at the bird, smiling, and decides to let it in.
\par I stood and walked to my window. As the window creaked open and
\par the bird flew in, I swear I
\par heard someone whisper: Nevermore.
\par I laughed and watched the bird fly around the room, looking for a
\par place to land.
\par "No, no Mr. Raven. No statues to pirch on, no busts to pirch
\par on in this house." I said sitting in my chair.
\par But it didn't find a place to land, and it stared at me. I looked
\par into it's eyes, smiled and stood up.
\par "Sorry Raven, I have not lost anyone named Lenore." I
\par said as my window flew open. Cold air
\par came blowing in the room. Then a whisper that seemed to be riding
\par the breeze went in my Ear. A cold dead whisper that sent my flesh
\par rippling with chills. "Nevermore" it whispered, almost
\par evilly.
\par The smile was gone from my face at that moment. Flashes of memory
\par crept in.
\par The night, her body, the blood on my axe.
\par I looked at the Satan spawn that had been let into my room and
\par wanted it gone.
\par From my site.
\par For I was right. I had not lost anybody named Lenore. But had
\par lost someone and her name was
\par Alice.
\par I looked into the birds black eyed and saw something more than
\par black.
\par I saw hatred, revenge, and death; creeping behind those black
\par eyes.
\par More memories flashed, as the storm outside blew in.
\par Blonde hair stained red, eyes not alive. Eyes not sparking with
\par life.
\par Alice, lying in a ditch, me with my axe and her with no life.
\par "Damn you to hell you evil demonic bird!" I said
\par raising and running at her, it.
\par Blood on my hands, Alice in her shallow grave, he lover beside
\par her. All chopped up.
\par Memories of the pain of finding them together.
\par Laughing and smiling, throwing the dirt down on them.
\par The Bird.
\par The Demonic Bird.
\par Memories of her death, driving me insane.
\par Shadows on the wall, laughing in vain.
\par Reaching for the bird, just beyond my fingertips. Tripping and
\par falling through the window.
\par Watching the ground come closer and closer.
\par In my final thoughts, before I meet the hard earth below, of what
\par I said to them as I put the last
\par Of the dirt on their graves.
\par Riding on the wind, coming back to haunt me.
\par My final words, my final breath.
\par Nevermore I said.
\par The Bird in the sky. The Raven in my mind whispering, chanting.
\par Nevermore, for all eternity.
back to the top \par
\par \parI am sitting here, thinking of my love.
\par I try to put the love I have for her into for her into words.
\par I love her so much, and in my thoughts I know exactly how I feel.
\par But for the first time words don't come easily to me.
\par I know I love her, so much in fact without her I would die of a
\par broken heart.
\par She is all I think about, in every way.
\par Without her my heart pounds out her name, pain is al I feel.
\par Without her gorgeous body next to mine I am not complete.
\par I think about her, so much all the time.
\par She is my best friend and lover,
\par TO her not one evil thought could ever come from or go to.
\par I am nothing without her! She completes my every being! Every
\par fiber of my body calls out for
\par Her and only her!
\par My heart beats in Unison with her for her.
\par I would support the world for her.
\par If there was a rumor that she might be on the other side of the
\par desert I would cross it without
\par Second thought.
\par In the blinking of an eye.
\par Love is ever flowing toward her.
\par On a cloud I feel when I am with her.
\par Very much I worship her.
\par Every breath I take I take for her. With her.
\par Moments in time I want forever with her.
\par Only her I want forever in life
\par Love her so much.
\par Life isn't worth going on without her.
\par I love you very much.
\par Every last second of my life, until my dying day!
\par Walking alone the street, the dark street.
\par I stop and wonder how many people have walked on this street.
\par How many tear drops shed on this cold hard grey surface. I
\par wondered if any hatred from an abusive spouse had been let out.
\par I began to think that on this very spot some man had done just
\par that.
\par I closed my eyes and saw them.
\par A young couple, not very experienced in life.
\par But he was raised by an abusive father.
\par Not to him, of course. Not to his SON!
\par But to his mother.
\par Always had to be put in line, as his father called it.
\par This was all the boy, only 19 at the time, saw..in matters of
\par treating ladies.
\par So on this particular day the boy was walking with his
\par girlfriend.
\par She was starting to talk more and more.
\par His head was beginning to pound.
\par He stopped right where I was.
\par She wouldn't just shut up?
\par Images from his mind.
\par Father, slapping his mom against the wall.
\par Smiling and eating his sandwich. Bruises on her face, her body.
\par Her tears.
\par Nothing is too good for MY SON!
\par The boys hand raising.
\par Faster than he would have thought or wanted.
\par The sound!
\par The sound of skin hitting skin.
\par Same as the sound of dynamite exploding to him.
\par Then the awkward sound of silence.
\par I looked at her. I tried to smile like my father had.
\par But I could not. The look in her eyes was that of sheer horror.
\par Disgust and Horror.
\par How had my father done it?
\par I could not even begin to fathom how he had did it. How he hit my
\par mother. So much, so often.
\par I could not even to begin to describe how much of a monster he
\par was.
\par I tried to look away from her eyes.
\par Her beautiful eyes.
\par Shame filled me. So much shame. I could not...I would not look
\par away.
\par The red mark on her beautiful face.
\par Time was stopped for us.
\par I saw tears in her eyes. I felt tears welding up in mine.
\par So much shame in my mind.
\par I was not a man. I was just as a monster as my father.
\par I could not look at her anymore, yet my eyes wanted too.
\par I ran. I turned and the last thing I saw were those beautiful
\par eyes.
\par Then I heard the sound of a horn blaring. I did not look away
\par from her and her beautiful eyes.
\par Pain filled my body. I felt myself flying through the air. I saw
\par blackness half way down.
\par Nothing.
\par Walking along the street. The dark street.
\par I stop and wonder how many people have walked this one
\par street.......
back to the top \par
\par \par
\par Alone I sit on the concrete steps. Not so long ago she sat too.
\par Now the funeral procession goes by- tears.
\par I miss her so. We were happy.
\par I was happy. She saw through the outside to the inside. The real
\par me. Now I am all alone.
\par God has damned me to hell - I assume- to take her from me.
\par God was there when that stray bullet entered her skull, yet he
\par chose to watch, to laugh as she died.
\par God could have saved her. I was hit in the head too - he saved
\par me! God loved me better, now I love him no more.
\par -Thunder-
\par -Lightening-
\par -Rain-
\par Cold drops hit my body. I shiver. Her pretty face turned red by
\par evil, by a man. A man god chose
\par not to stop. That mans quarrels were with god and the people next
\par door. Not us.
\par I did not even know him, yet he chose to kill us - To kill me.
\par I am dead. A shell - moving by instinct only.
\par god makes me move. god keeps me going.
\par A man -dad- tells me to move, it's time. I nod.
\par As I stand I look up to god. Then I see her. Floating in the
\par clouds. As beautiful as ever.
\par I call to her1 I sing to her. She lands above the casket. I stop.
\par I know what she is telling me. God saved her after all. He saved
\par her for me, forever.
\par I smile. A man - uncle Jay- looks at me and shakes his head. I
\par walk to her open grave.
\par Reality comes flooding back in. She is gone.
\par -Home-
\par Entering it is like entering hell. She is everywhere. Pictures,
\par perfume, I sit on the couch.
\par Suddenly my heart lurches. I feel it being ripped up and torn in
\par half.
\par I fall off the couch.
\par Then I see her again. She walks over to me and picks me up. God
\par loves me after all. I kiss her.
\par We walk to our home behind the light.
\par I look back once and see the shell of my body.
\par I walk on.
\par -Where-
\par I don't care.
\par -How Long-
\par Doesn't matter. I have her again.
\par
back to the top \par
\par \par
\par
\par Rain poured down my face, maybe they are tear drops, I feel sad.
\par The street offered no help. Cold Grey concrete that thousands had
\par walked before.
\par I passed a church, a man asked me to enter it.
\par I shake my head, God all ready spoke, last night.
\par I lay in my bed, dreaming of her, when a loud voice echoed
\par through my head.
\par AI am God@ he spoke to me A Live your life. Tomorrow you are
\par going to die.@ then he left.
\par I rose the next morning and went to work. All the usual boring
\par stuff.
\par Then God spoke. I pulled the gun from my bag he told me to carry
\par and I fired. Most died.
\par I left and walked down the street. I entered a burger place. I
\par ordered breakfast, I was informed it was lunch.
\par And God Spoke. I laughed at them both. God was right, the gun
\par would come in handy. I killed
\par The manager. His stupid grin didn=t fool me or God!
\par I left. I walked on. I went down the alley and some mad pulled a
\par knife on me. God spoke.
\par I pulled my gun and shot him in the leg.
\par God spoke again and I took his knife and cut off his fingers.
\par He would never hold another wallet again.
\par I went on. I felt tired. I sat on a park bench and slept.
\par Seeing her with him is bad u see.
\par Seeing her with him is bad for me.
\par I have loved her since I saw her.
\par Her hair, the color of the sunset,
\par Her eyes pools of moonlight trapped in her head.
\par Seeing her with anybody, fills me with dread.
\par I love her so much yet she doesn't know my name. She is a goddess
\par nothing less.
\par I want to walk up to her, introduce myself.
\par Be her friend, her companion, a shoulder to cry on.
\par Her boyfriend, the love of her life husband one day.
\par I watch her, I see her, I love her, I want to be with her.
\par Want to be with her, for her to love me.
\par But reality, my worst enemy, has set in again.
\par I am a troll, no one could love.
\par I am a nobody, she could never love.
back to the top \par
\par \par
\par My head is hurting, more papers to sign. I wonder what else she
\par wants?
\par My wife, well my ex-wife soon, seems to want everything I own.
\par My son and daughter, ungrateful little brats, are out protesting
\par something, or maybe getting
\par Arrested.
\par So often I think about what happened to out once happy and simple
\par family.
\par Then came along the money, our lives became hell.
\par The wife was healed, the kids could eat.
\par Our life was great.
\par Then we bought more, because we could, and at first it felt good.
\par Then things started to get dark, bills came in.
\par The sun never shown as bright again.
\par Darkness sank in, it covered out souls.
\par Who gave us the money you ask me, smiling and envying my luck.
\par I do not know I wish I did.
\par So I could damn them to hell.
back to the top \par
\par \par
\par
\par There is a monster.
\par I see it everyday.
\par Its slimy hands touch my body every night.
\par This monster shows its face to me during the night or day.
\par It smiles and shows its sharp white teeth.
\par Its laugh sends chills down my spine.
\par I lay in my bed late at night, and hear it growling and snarling
\par at my mother.
\par I was told that monsters aren't real.
\par If that's true then why does my mother have bruises on her body?
\par She blames it on the steps.
\par If monsters aren't real then why does this one touch me where it
\par does?
\par People call monsters by many names.
\par Boogie man, Demon, Satan.
\par I call it by a much more familiar name.
\par Daddy.
\par And the monster will always be there.
\par Waiting for a moment of weakness.
\par Waiting for me to drop my guard.
\par Waiting to do the one thing it does best, steal my smile.
\par Steal my happiness.
\par Steal my virginity.
\par Waiting to steal everything from me.
\par Waiting for my mom to say the wrong thing.
\par Drinking its booze and smiling at me.
\par Looking me up and down, the time to hide from it has come, once
\par again.
\par The darkness in the closet.
\par Comforting me from him.
\par Wishing for my rescue, for a super hero to stop it.
\par The light came on, my breathing slows.
\par The door is opening.
\par The monster is here.
back to the top \par
\par \parNo one: \par It only Takes One
\par \par
\par
\par
\par I just don't love you, I was told with a grin.
\par Can't we just be friends? I feel I will hear until my life ends.
\par It seems that it rained a lot in my life, all the time water
\par pouring down, no one for me.
\par It seems no one loved me.
\par It seems no one cared.
\par It took me months to work up the nerve to ask them out.
\par It took them seconds to strike me down no caring what I thought
\par So after a while of hearing no way.
\par The thought no one loves me got grounded in my mind.
\par It begins to grow, filling my mind with no good thoughts.
\par Laying in bed, no one really cares.
\par No one would shed a tear if I were to die right now.
\par The funeral hall would be empty, not a soul inside.
\par Except maybe the bum that would want to warm himself from the
\par cold day.
\par Life would move on. No one would care.
\par Passion and fury that could have made someone smile goes
\par unnoticed forever.
\par My cold dead body laid in the ground.
\par Life goes on for everyone.
\par Opening my eyes.
\par Realizing the reality of the dream I had just had.
\par Sweat all over me, sadness fills my body and soul.
\par No one would care, no one would know.
\par That I am a hopeless romantic.
\par With not a soul to share it with.
\par It's raining again, it seems to be doing that a lot lately, I am
\par never prepared for it.
\par It is cold rain that I feel deep inside me.
\par It goes to the core.
\par I am always wishing it would go away.
\par Almost like I wish the memory of loosing her would leave my brain
\par too.
\par On day before we were fine. Laughing. Happy. No worries at all/
\par I was even considering asking for her hand in marriage.
\par The she wanted to go out to eat..
\par A deep down feeling said no, but I saw no harm in that.
\par Eating with the light of my life would be great.
\par Doing anything with her would be great.
\par I picked the restaurant. I picked her up.
\par FLASH. BANG. He blond hair is red.
\par FLASH. BANG. She is missing some of her head.
\par I hold her close, I begin to scream. Something inside me dies
\par when she slipped away in my arms.
\par It is raining again, yet the sky is blue.
\par But the rain is coming from me, they're tear drops instead.
\par Fat!
\par Ugly!
\par These words were spoken to me.
\par These words were implanted in my mind and allowed to grow.
\par Bullies teased me, made me believe that I am no one, someone to
\par make fun of.
\par Those thoughts grew making me believe, no one cares if I live or
\par die.
\par Those thoughts pushed my self-esteem low.
\par Those thoughts made me believe no one would ever want me.
\par As a friend.
\par As someone to love.
\par Bullies hated me, but what they didn't know.
\par Is I have hated myself more than anyone could ever know.
\par Walking alone down the dark alley way.
\par Sounds echoing in the ally, maybe in my mind, maybe for real.
\par Shortcut, I was told. A faster way home.
\par Thoughts running through my mind.
\par Monsters hiding in every shape. Unibombers, serial killers, human
\par monsters conspiring with the
\par Fake ones.
\par It isn't raining, yet the ground is wet.
\par I walk along, not totally panicking yet.
\par Scared is not the word in my mind. I am not consciously moving,
\par it is almost a reflex.
\par I see a man lying on the ground.
\par He is breathing, a smile on his face, a needle in his arm. A
\par trickle of blood coming out if it.
\par Fear is replaced with pity, pity becomes sadness.
\par The alley is no longer become a place for fear.
\par I see more people lying in the alley.
\par The smell is starting to overpower everything.
\par So many people, so much sorrow.
\par So much not caring, I begin to think, that goes on in this alley.
\par By everyone.
\par These people are another group of humans all together, in many
\par others mind.
\par They are a part of society that no one cares about. The part that
\par is pushed aside, cast away.
\par So someone may make a dollar or two.
\par No one cares. So many unknown names and faces.
\par Bum
\par Homeless
\par So much uncaring toward someone because they are poor.
\par Finally I reach home.
\par Tears in my eyes, I sit down in my home. My spot on the street.
\par A box covers me from the elements.
\par Every time I walk home I cry.
\par I once saw an ad through a store window on TV, something I
\par haven't seen for a while.
\par It was a commercial about feeding a child in another country for
\par 70 cents a day.
\par I was so shocked, I felt like crying forever.
\par Where was my commercial?
\par I was a nobody, starving like those people.
\par Scattered amongst the nobodies in life.
\par I was nobody, the feeling hurt.
\par A country built on being someone had pushed me aside.
\par Did anybody care about me? About us?
\par So many people.
\par Any of which could be the next Shakespeare or end world hunger or
\par bring world peace.
\par Any of us could be a great man or woman.
\par But we can not get anything in life, now, without a dirty look
\par attached to it.
\par Everyone thinks all I want is drugs because I am homeless. All
\par everybody thinks is I'm a bum.
\par No more no less
\par I am not even a face, I am not a name.
\par I lost all my friends. I have no family to go to.
\par I am still a person, I am still a human being.
\par Doesn't that mean anything to anybody?
\par It seems no one cares.
\par I am all alone in my home.
\par Yet I am surrounded by millions of people.
\par I have a face. I have a name.
\par I am a person, a human being.
\par Yet in the hustle and bustle of life, in the swing of life moving
\par along.
\par And trying to keep up with everyone.
\par I seem to have forgotten.
\par And I am just bum
Thoughts-From \par the Past-Regret
\par \par
\par I walk down, down, down the street. Avenues upon Drives upon
\par Streets.
\par Many thoughts come to my mind, most of her.
\par Her fiery red hair unmatched not even by the sunset.
\par Her eyes, dark pools that sparkled with her beautiful smile, oh
\par how she smiled.
\par Her beauty was unmatched by any other.
\par Venus herself had to bow.
\par I would watch her and feel jealous whenever he came around.
\par She was my friend. I listened to her every word, good or bad.
\par She told me she loved me, I believed it too. I still do.
\par I look at myself and see a troll, an ugly hideous hutchback. I
\par can't see love my way.
\par I loved her way back, with all my heart, but I felt the love was
\par lost- I never saw how.
\par So much of my words go with the wind, I wish I had spoke them.
\par Now I walk down the street and wonder.
\par Tears come to my eyes.
\par I want a Pepsi.
Writers \par Block: Nothing Much to Say
\par \par
\par The paper is white, the hour is late. The pizza is cold, like a
\par marble slate.
\par Nothing much to say, not tired yet. Writers blocks a bitch, and
\par that's all I can say about that.
\par Popcorn in a bucket, no butter please.
\par That coffee is too hot, well what did u expect it is coffee. Coke
\par or Pepsi, who gives a shit?
\par They are both dark and tasty, so drink them up.
\par Not really thinking, oh got to take a break. My hand is cramping
\par up, I need a typewriter I guess.
\par I'm a Juggalo for life, down with the clown you might say.
\par If your wondering what that means I'll bust you in the head with
\par an empty Faygo bottle.
\par ICP for LIFE!!
\par
\par I saw a cool sign it goes like this:
\par Rape, murder, child molestation, and being gay.
\par Guess which one the Southern Babtists are boycotting?
\par Straight, gay, black, white. We are all HUMANS.
\par Now is that so hard to comprehend?
\par Still nothing to say, should be asleep.
\par Parking on driveway, driving on a parkway.
\par The chicken or the egg.
\par So many questions not enough answers.
\par So much to learn , yet only have 70 or 80 years.
\par Almost done, I think I say.
\par Why are people so dumb? Or at least act that way.
\par U.F.O's in the sky, people say we are alone?
\par It's a big universe people we've only been here for 30 million
\par years.
\par Were a spec in the cosmos, a blink of existence.
\par Things happen people change.
\par Right now a murder is happening, life goes on.
\par Writers block is fun, to me at least.
\par Cause I can write about nothing, and say a lot in the process.
\par This is the end, my hand is starting to throb.
\par So much to say, so little time. The world almost over, we've only
\par begun to live.
\par As I write this with my Bic mechinal pencil.
\par I say Jerry Springer is the best.
\par And to all a good night.
\par
Going \par Insane: Staring at the Walls
\par \par
\par
\par I feel like I should be going somewhere. But I am not moving.
\par I stare at the white walls, and see so much more.
\par Color hidden deep within, layers underneath.
\par Things painted over, spots, imperfections, and bugs.
\par They are still alive. I see the flies' wings moving.
\par Barely moving.
\par I see a scorpions tail moving.
\par The pincers opening and closing. Looking at me. Blaming and
\par laughing at me.
\par Wanting me dead.
\par I did not do it, I swear to whatever!
\par It was only an accident.
\par She isn't dead anyway, she is alive. Like the bugs.
\par I see her in the wall.
\par Her beautiful self, the wall too.
\par He mouth has duct tape over it so she can not say anything to me.
\par Her body has no blood on it; I cleaned it all up.
\par She is perfect in my wall.
\par I see her and she is fine, not dead!
\par Suddenly her eyes open. Those beautiful green eyes.
\par They open and look at me. She stares right into my eyes.
\par "I had to do it!" I scream at my wall.
\par I scream at her.
\par Pounding on the door.
\par Voices outside.
\par She breaks out of the wall.
\par All the years of paint and rebuilding have not stopped her.
\par Louder voices, the wood is cracking.
\par I run to the other wall huddled in a corner.
\par She is walking toward me. I close my eyes.
\par A hand on my shoulder, I scream in terror, pushing her away.
\par More hands, men in blue.
\par I lay down not moving
\par I still see her, in my mind.
\par Decayed body, beautiful green eyes. Staring at me. Wanting me to
\par join her.
\par Wanting me dead like her.
\par She said she loves me. I say she is dead.
\par Carrying me away.
\par I felt like I was suppose to go somewhere today, so I am.
\par In a room.
\par A room with white walls.
\par No more white walls!
\par She is in them!
\par She is in them all!
\par Looking at me with those green eyes!
\par Forever looking.
\par The beach sand it hot, I run to the wet sand.
\par It is a good feeling.
\par I feel the cool breeze on my face.
\par I stare at the setting sun, a red ball of fire falling into the
\par sea.
\par The gulls cry to the sky, or maybe to the wet sand.
\par I walk along the shore line, the water coming in and out. Taking
\par sand and bringing it back.
\par The water turns red as the sun touches the horizon.
\par I see rocks up ahead.
\par The water is warming up.
\par I walk to the rocks and sit on one.
\par The red ball has disappeared into the sea.
\par The sky darkens and stars bloom.
\par Just the one at first, then millions. I make a wish.
\par I stare at the full moon.
\par I look into the night sky.
\par I smile and realize I am looking at pure beauty.
\par I lay back and close my eyes.
\par I fall asleep in this heaven.
\par The hot night air blows across my face.
\par A cold drink in my hand, I turn on the radio.
\par I hear a song. I hear our song.
\par I begin to think of her, my love.
\par Cars honk below, the few people on the street, ten storied down,
\par moves about their lives.
\par I begin to think of her more. I stare at the phone wishing she
\par would call.
\par Because my pride won't let me call her.
\par The argument we had, stupid of course, sent us both home upset.
\par I took a drink, turned up the radio and closed my eyes.
\par I begin to think of her eyes, the most beautiful eyes in the
\par world.
\par They were an emerald color, almost teal.
\par Every emotion that she had emanated from her beautiful eyes.
\par Whenever she turned away from me and turned back again, it was
\par like I was seeing her for the
\par first time and I always loved her more.
\par The radio played on. I smiled.
\par I so bad wanted her to be here.
\par I turned up the radio and began to sing our song.
\par I closed my eyes and thought of her again.
\par She was a goddess; I began to dance around with my eyes closed.
\par The radio played on.
\par I so bad wanted her to call. The fight was my fault.
\par Then I felt someone touch my arm.
\par I kept my eyes closed and pulled her close.
\par I knew it was she.
\par I opened my eyes and looked into hers. I couldn't even speak.
\par But I did. And I said I am sorry.
\par She smiled and continued to dance with me.
\
\
The radio played on, we danced on.
\par I thought of how lucky I was to have her.
\par Our song played. Yet I noticed the radio wasn't plugged in.
\par The volume got louder anyway.
\par I told her I loved her forever.
\par She said the same.
\par I proposed to her in that dance.
\par My breath became one with hers.
\par My movements became one with hers.
\par I was she and she was I.
\par She was a goddess in my humble eyes
\par Anything I could would be done for her. Finally the music stopped
\par playing.
\par I opened my eyes and stared at the empty apartment.
\par I looked around and saw nothing but space.
\par Thinking of that night always made me smile. A tear ran down my
\par cheek.
\par I walked to the door and grabbed the handle.
\par The radio came on and our song played again.
\par I put my arm around her waist and looked into her eyes.
\par I bowed to the goddess and we walked out of the apartment.
\par My wife and I.
\par My love.
\par I pull her close to me and smile.
\par I whisper into her ear,
\par I love you forever I say.
\par I love you more she answers back.
\par That sound!
\par That sound I keep hearing.
\par Small thump, thump, thumps
\par All I see is darkness, yet my memory is still active.
\par I remember being in a car. Driving with my love.
\par The sound it is horrible. Almost like torture.
\par Maybe I am in a war.
\par Yes, captured as a prisoner of war. I wouldn't talk.
\par So they blind fold me and made my body numb.
\par Because I can not move my limbs.
\par Well these commies will do anything to make the soldiers talk.
\par No, I am not a solider, I think I hate war.
\par Flashes of memory.
\par Headlights from the other on coming cars pierce the night.
\par The sound again, it is becoming unnerving.
\par I wanted to scream, but my mouth won't move.
\par More thoughts.
\par My love sitting next to me, her screaming.
\par High beam lights, I can't see.
\par A different sound, one you don't, one you can't forget.
\par Metal hitting metal.
\par One moment she is next to me.
\par The next she is flying through the windshield.
\par That sound again, more this time.
\par I am trying to think of what it might be.
\par The man is drunk staggering around, no use for the consideration
\par of human life.
\par I am trying to move my body won't respond at all. All I can do is
\par scream.
\par Then I black out.
\par I can not move still.
\par But I soon start to rise. I rise up, I can see daylight.
\par The people all around.
\par The gravediggers throwing dirt into a hole.
\par The tombstone with my name on it.
\par The hole, my hole! I am dead.
\par I was killed in the crash.
\par Rising above it all.
\par I'm dead, but I can't be! I have to help my love!
\par No I can not leave.
\par I must help my love she needs me.
\par Then I drop on the Earth.
\par I run to no where. I have to help my love. Running on the Earth,
\par I can not go on.
\par The sound echoing in my ears, in my head forever.
\par Forever on the Earth.
\par I have to help . . .
\par I have to run. Run on the Earth.
\par I must get away from the sound.
\par The sound echoing throughout my soul.
\par I . . .
\par Must . .
\par Help . . . the sound.
The \par Price of My Body:A Model Speaks to Me
\par \par
\par
\par I do not know for who, but I have to look good.
\par I have to be so I can be happy.
\par I work and sweat
\par I make my body look like what it says in the magazines..
\par According to the world I am beautiful.
\par The guys start to notice me.
\par Well, notice my body as I walk.
\par Notice my curves when I stand.
\par They take no notice of me.
\par They stare at me, with lust in their eyes and think how fast they
\par can get me in bed.
\par They lust after me, they see m y body but never know me.
\par I hear it all the time.
\par I hate my life, and all the lustful stares.
\par Men, see my body, but no one knows me.
\par Does anybody care about me?
\par I have a mind, I am a person.
\par No one sees me.
\par No one knows me.
\par I hate my life.
\par I hate the magazines.
\par I want to die.
\par
back to the
\par top
\par
\par\par \pargo to to see more poems
\par